


Would You Rather...

by penumbria



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Light BDSM, M/M, Multi, Rough Trade, Rough Trade 2014 Boot Camp I, Wraithbait Writing Challenge answered, discussions of hate sex, discussions of orgies, discussions of poly, discussions of rough sex, dub-con mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 14:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2028285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penumbria/pseuds/penumbria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off the ""Trio" Would You Rather? by MeredithKey" writing challenge on Wraithbait. The game of "Would You Rather" that Carter, McKay, and Keller play while trapped in "Trio" goes a little farther. Instead of just asking about celebrities, they start asking about other members of the Atlantis expedition and the SGC. What is up with Carter and O'Neill? Rodney and John? Keller and Ronon? What exactly have these members gotten up to since they joined the Stargate program? </p>
<p>Written for Rough Trade 2014 Boot Camp I. All fan fiction is AU to some extent and this is no different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Mine

**Author's Note:**

> This work is un-beta-ed though I did edit it. Thanks to MeredithKey on Wraithbait for the challenge idea and to Keira Marcos and the Rough Trade writers group for the kick in the butt to take the RT challenge and write the story.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis, Once Bitten, or anything else mentioned herein. The only thing I own is the actually story itself though parts of the episode "Trio" is quoted.

__

 

_They were stuck in a defunct Genii mining facility on this idiotic world where the people refused to move even though they experienced upwards of four earthquakes a day. Stupid, greedy local population, thought Rodney. And Sam, stupid Sam, finding a rope, I almost got them to undress. Man what a fantasy. Ah well, Genii is the most ridiculous language. This is no good. What is Keller saying? What do Brad Pitt and George Clooney have to do with anything? And why did they pick different ones? Women are really inscrutable. Talking about some actors when we're stuck because of the stupid locals and the greedy Genii. Damn it, this is nothing good, ore running out, blah, blah, blah, increasing destabilization of the plates, blah, blah, yeah, we got that, the mining caused more and more earthquakes. What was that?_

“Are you talking about Neil DeGrasse Tyson? He once stole an idea from me, did I tell you that?”

Carter continued tying knots in the rope as she replied with annoyance, “Only about a dozen times, McKay.”

Keller decided to try to ease the tension and explained what the two women were doing, “We're playing Who Would You Rather. Want to join us?” She smirked as she pulled the rope through itself.

Rodney was confused. Still. “Uh, I don't get it.” What are they talking about?

Keller turned around and patiently explained to the bewildered male, “If you had to choose who to fool around with, Robert Redford or Paul Newman?”

Rodney drew back in shock and surprise, _did she think, did she know something_ , “Uh, neither.”

“Yeah, I know but if you had to.”

Rodney tried again to get out of this. “If I had to choose one of them to force themselves on me...”

Keller interrupted snidely, “It's just a dumb game McKay. Are you not secure enough in your masculinity to play a dumb game?”

Sam looked at him with raised eyebrows as she awaited his response to Keller's question.

Rodney stuttered, “Yeah, I am but maybe I should go back to my reading, get us out of here?” He turned his back, thumbing through the papers in his hands. _There is nothing here and I know that, stupid, idiots of Genii. They can't make their own bombs, they can't leave the door code around, they can't mine without destroying a planet. I may blow up solar systems but at least I don't leave underground bunkers for people to fall into. Pegasus galaxy. All this place is, is messes left behind. Granted, usually the messes are the Ancients mistakes, Wraith anyone, but others have their fair share, too. Even us, I guess. I mean, granted technically, the Replicators were another Ancient mess but we aggravated it, okay, okay, I made it worse. And, well, Michael. That was pretty much on us. Yeah, these papers are totally worthless for us._

– – - – – - –

_Man, Sam wouldn't even flash those kids to get us out of here. Boys, they were boys, they would have done it for that. I know boys. Women, annoying, hot women. And I'm stuck here with two of them. But they like me more than Radek. That's always good to know. More boring analysis of the stupid rocks of the Genii, tensile strength, blah, blah, Antonio Banderas or Tom Cruise, hmmm, they both pick the Latin, huh._

Keller muses, “Now if you were talking about Cruise when he was in Top Gun, well, there would be a lot more competition, that was hot.”

Carter grins, “You like pilots, huh?”

Keller shakes her head, “Not especially. But he looked really good in that movie and he wasn't so insane back then.”

Carter nods in agreement. “Okay, Leonardo DiCaprio or Woody Harrelson?”

“Wow, uh, diverse there, um, DiCaprio, I guess, I mean, the tragic love affair over the insane psycho killer or long term bartender, right?”

Carter laughs. “I don't know, I like Harrelson. There's something about him that's just cute.”

“Much more so when he was on Cheers. Alright, how about Charlie Sheen or Emilio Estevez?”

Carter chuckles. “Oooh, brothers. Hmmm, Emilio Estevez, I think. I always did love The Breakfast Club.”

Keller nods in agreement, “Judd Nelson. I so wanted to be Molly Ringwald in that movie.”

“I don't know, I think Ally Sheedy got a pretty good deal. She got Emilio, the popular jock and a make-over at the same time. Not bad for a Saturday morning spent in detention.”

“True. But still, Judd Nelson getting her diamond earring. Classic.”

Carter smiled, “Okay, then since we were talking about the Sheen sons, go older. Martin Sheen or – Richard Gere?”

“Oh, tough call. I think, Richard Gere. Too many rom-coms got to me, I think.”

“Agreed.”

Keller smirked, “Okay, switching it up a bit but within one degree of separation, Julia Roberts or Sarah Jessica Parker?”

Carter bursts into laughter as McKay's head comes up and his head tilts towards them. “Julia Roberts all the way.”

“Yeah, SJP is a little too strong woman, I guess. Though Julia Roberts did play Erin Brokovich.”

Rodney licks his lips, trying not to dwell on the picture of Sam or Keller in bed with Julia Roberts in her Pretty Woman shorts. Frankly, a nearly impossible feat. It is running through his large brain on a fast track and the papers in his hand are no where near interesting or urgent enough to keep his attention off these thoughts. He can just see Sam laying on the bed in just her BDUs and Julia comes in in those shorts and tank top. She crawls onto the bed on top of Sam and then Keller joins them in just a skimpy nightgown. Sam reaches up and

“Find anything yet, McKay?” Sam calls, interrupting his fantasy.

“No. Still translating.”

“Uh huh. Well, keep your mind on the goal here McKay,” she snorts and shoots a grin at Keller, knowing just what he had been thinking about. His poker face was non-existent.

Sam turns back to Keller, “Angelina Jolie or Demi Moore?”

Keller cocks her head as she continues to thread the rope through itself. “Demi Moore.”

“I think Jolie, myself.”

A small sound of “Moore” drifts from where Rodney sits. “Ghost.” _Damn, I think I said that aloud. Well, it is true. She is really hot in that movie. I had to sit through it and it was the only bearable thing about it._

The women laugh. “You like it dirty, huh, McKay,” says Keller. “All covered in clay?”

Rodney huffs and hunches back to his useless papers.

Keller turns back to Sam. “David Duchovny or Jim Carrey?”

“Hmmm. Carrey, I think. At least, a younger one. I saw him in a really cheesy vampire movie and he was great. And cute. Or maybe from The Truman Show. Though, I have to admit, there were some moments in the X-Files where Duchovny got my motor running.” 

 _That was a good movie. Cheesy, saw it couple months ago on movie night. We were going through a campy movie phase. Saw some real horrible flicks. I mean, Rocky Horror and Young Frankenstein and This Is Spinal Tap are always worth a watch but if I never see Night of the Comet or Big Business or Cry Baby again it will be too soon. I think I might have lost IQ points watching Cry Baby._  

“I haven't seen that vampire movie.” 

“It's pretty old. Um, something about bitten I think was in the title.” 

“Once Bitten,” floats over from the snarky scientists hunched body. “1985, Lauren Hutton was the vampire trying to get in his pants. Really campy.” 

“You have hidden depths, McKay. Cheesy, campy 80s movies? Who knew?” marveled Sam. 

“Whatever, I'm no Rainman. I know pop culture. At least some, anyway. And Carrey was really funny in that movie. I appreciate good humor.” 

Sam nods in apology as Rodney turns so he is halfway facing them as he continues to thumb through the papers in his hands once more. 

Sam continues the game, positing, “Sharon Stone or Michelle Pfieffer?” 

Keller chuckles under her breath that they are back to women. “Sharon Stone. Basic Instinct.” 

 _Really hot scene._ The _scene everyone think of. The white dress. The slouch, legs spread. Yeah. Hot. But typical._  

Sam cocks her head to the side as she pulls a know tight. “Pfeiffer, for me. Catwoman. Enough said,” she replies, grinning. 

 _Very typical but yes, extremely hot, one of the only good things in that movie. Black leather. Hmmm. Yeah, even though that wasn't actually leather but real leather is, the touch, the slide of skin over the leather, the smell in your nostrils, ohhh..._  

Keller matches her grin as Rodney shifts to face them more, at the same time he masks the movement to adjust his pants. 

Keller asks, “Kurt Russell or James Spader?”

Sam bites her lip. “Tough one. They are both pretty hot but in this instance I think Kurt Russell.” 

“Agreed. He is hot.” 

“Spader, but only sometimes,” mumbles Rodney as the others just look at him and shake their heads. _Crap, I think that was out loud again. I have got to stop that._  

“John de Lancie or French Stewart,” asks Sam. 

“John de Lancie. Phenomenal cosmic powers that he uses to annoy people?” 

“I like French Stewart, personally.” 

 _Q_ was _hot sometimes, especially in Voyager. The humor was better then. And he had a son and kept hitting on Janeway. Yeah. And French Stewart, lots of movies but not much starring, only on that TV show. About the aliens. Aliens on Earth. Hmmm._  

Rodney chimes in, “Okay, I have one for you. David Ogden Stiers or Colm Meaney?” 

“Really, McKay? That is really – I don't know – somehow – that should be really random but I don't think it is but I don't know why,” says Sam. “Uh, Colm Meaney, I think.” 

Keller shrugs, “David Ogden Stiers. The whole better than you aura is hot.” 

Sam chimes in, “What's your take, McKay?” 

Rodney grumbles, but answers, “Colm Meaney. But only just.” He moves to stand next to Sam. If he was getting in to this game, he was going to get into it. 

“Steve Corell or Steven Colbert.” _Keller was now onto pop culture comedians, huh? Well that one is interesting I suppose, neither is a top pick,_ “Corell, but I would pick Jon Stewart over both of them, if I was forced to,” explained Rodney. _This is an interesting game. They are coming up with some interesting and different ideas, now. I mean, Cruise, Banderas, Newman, Redford, Pitt, Clooney? So very typical and oh, sexiest men alive, but French Stewart? Steve Correl? Those are outside picks._  

Keller sighs. “You know this game would be a lot more fun if we were drunk. Or at least somewhat mentally impaired.” 

Rodney cocks his head, “How so?” 

“When I've played this at parties, we were usually at least buzzed and after a bit, the questions would shift. Like, um, Rodney, who would you rather, me or Sam?” 

 _Crap! Really she can't expect me to … oh damn … she's looking … they're both looking. They want me to actually... I can't … I mean – they're both so – and they're still staring at me._  

“Uh, you – um – what – I don't think – I mean – you're not movie stars or – or – on TV or singers or comedians or – you're people – real and I think you're – I – you – look – I mean – your body is and both of you – I would of course – any of you – you are both different I know that and you look great and you look great, too, and there's no difference – I mean, I know, you have different body types and of that is sweet and I mean – obviously you are both beautiful and anyone would want to just grab you and – well either of you who would and --” 

“Not going to happen, McKay, believe me,” snarked Sam. 

“Oh, I wanted to see how long he would keep going,” sighed Keller. 

Rodney huffs and indignantly replies, “You asked, you said it, I didn't start it. You two did. And we're not drunk and we're not at a party, we're in a hole made by the Genii on some backwards planet trying not to plunge to our deaths in a earthquake that is going to hit again soon, so excuse me for not being very coherent.” 

“You'd be more coherent when drunk?” asked Sam. 

Rodney glares at her and opens his mouth but Keller interjects, “Okay then, how about who would you rather, Laura Cadman or Dr Biro?” 

Rodney groans, “Have you even read my file? I have no desire to be closer to Cadman than I have been. She took over my body and kissed Carson with it and went on my first date with Katie. No way. Uh uh, nononononono!” 

“She went on your first date with Katie? How did that work?” queried Sam with an odd look. 

“It didn't work well, and okay, it was only partly and maybe it should have been a sign that I shouldn't have gotten with Katie and obviously that all didn't work out anyway, so ...” 

“Sorry, McKay.” says Sam. 

“Yeah, okay, then, Ronon or Lorne?” says Rodney, wanting to change the subject. 

At the same time, the two women answer, “Ronon.” 

“Of course,” says Rodney. “Everyone loves Ronon. The tallness, the muscles, the silent warrior thing.” 

The women nod. Then Keller remarks, “I don't know about a relationship. But sex – yeah.” 

Rodney glances away and says, “Don't sell Lorne short. He's a good guy.” 

“This isn't real life McKay. We're not trying to find a date. Just a game,” replies Sam. 

“Still.” 

“Understood. I know he's a good person. And a very good soldier.” 

 _That's not all he's good at but –_ “Okay.” 

Sam shifts uncomfortably. “This really isn't appropriate. I mean, I'm the leader on Atlantis and Lorne is under my command besides.” 

“You just said it, Sam,” says Rodney. “It's just a game. A way to take our mind off our mortal peril while we work on getting out.” 

“Still, I mean, I shouldn't encourage this. It's one thing to talk about celebrities, something else to talk about our co-workers.” 

“It's a game. And Jennifer and I won't tell anyone what is said. It'll be like Vegas. What happens in the decrepit Genii mine, stays in the decrepit Genii mine.” 

Sam shakes her head in bemusement. “Fine. Okay but I'm still not sure about this being a good idea.” 

Keller shifts her hands to a different part of the rope, “Radek Zalenka or Chuck Campbell?” 

Rodney pipes up, “I thought we established earlier that Radek is weird and you don't really like him.” 

“You can not like someone and still sleep with them Rodney,” says Keller. 

Rodney's eyebrows raise, “Uh, okay, yes, hate sex can be great but you don't _hate_ Radek, you just don't like him. He makes you uncomfortable.” 

Sam nods. “It makes a big difference.” 

“So, then universally, it would be Chuck?” 

Everyone nods. 

“I'll try again then since that was such an epic fail of a question. Bill Lee or Kavanaugh?” 

Sam snorts. “Kavanaugh. Bill is too – too – um – too much of a geek, even for me. What about you Rodney?” 

Rodney simply raises a single eyebrow in challenge. “We just established that hate sex can be outstanding. Kavanaugh. Obviously.” _Really hot and wild, anger and just clawing and yeah._  

Keller simply snorts. 

Sam counter, “Okay, uh, how about, Walter Harriman or Siler?” 

“Um, I don't really know either of them,” says Keller. “But I've at least met Sgt Harriman.” 

Rodney smiles, “I'd be afraid of somehow getting electrocuted if I slept with Siler. He has a reputation. So, Harriman. He's a nice guy, too.” 

Sam laughs, “Yeah, he does seem to have a habit of getting hit with various kinds of electricity.” 

Keller smiles and moves on, “Okay, Lindsey Novak or Amelia Banks?”

“Banks,” says Rodney. “Novak would start hiccuping and I'd start getting annoyed. Yeah, bad idea.” _It really was, at least we got to second base but still those hiccups are so annoying. Maybe it would have been better if we hadn't been in a supply closet? And if she wasn't technically on duty? Women._  

“I think it was actually Rodney's turn to make a suggestion,” says Sam. 

“Rodney? Rodney!” 

“Huh, what?” 

“Your turn.” 

“Oh. Um, okay, uh, hmm, oh I know, General Landry or President Hayes?” 

The women stare at him, incredulous. “My superior officer or my commander in chief? Really, McKay?”

“Yes, really. I think it's a good one. Not likely to ever happen, in any universe, in any way, to ever get any kind of opportunity for either one so its almost a hypothetical like the Pitt or Clooney thing.” 

Keller nods in thought. “That's a good point.” 

Rodney continues, “It's not like I asked you O'Neill or Jackson? Which one of those would you choose?” 

Sam mumbles under her breath, quietly but not quietly enough, “I never could choose.” 

Rodney's head jerks up. “You never could choose. Meaning you’ve thought about it a lot and can't choose or meaning they both offered and you had both _or_ meaning they both offered and you have both together?” 

Sam blushes and frowns. “Rodney, this is not appropriate. At all, McKay.” 

Rodney shakes his head. “Uh uh.” He holds up his hands and moves them up and down like weighing something on a scale. “Vegas, Genii mine, same thing remember. What happens in the Genii mine death trap stays in the Genii mine death trap.” 

Keller chuckles. “He's right. You agreed to it. You aren't Atlantis' commander right now, Sam.” 

“I am not going to talk about your speculations on my personal life McKay.” 

Rodney smirks. “You opened this door, Sam. We just want you to walk through it and trust us enough to not do what we promised we wouldn't do. I may be a bastard, Sam, but I don't lie when I make a promise. And I thought we had become close enough friends that you would believe me. I may not be able to keep my mouth shut about science and stupidity but I've worked on secret government projects for decades. I know when not to talk.” 

Sam frowns. “I'm sorry. I – we are friends Rodney. It's just - “ 

Jennifer leans forward. “I get it. It's ingrained. You're military, under Rodney's speculations Don't Ask, Don't Tell could come into it if you have a trio and fraternization certainly comes into it if what you meant was more than just thinking about it, which frankly Sam, your subsequent reactions have given away that you certainly have done something with one or, more likely based on what you mumbled, both of them. Give it up, Sam. Give us some details. What's O'Neill like in bed? Does Jackson know any Ancient tricks?” 

Sam laughs a bit hysterically. “Fine. I wish we were drunk right now. Things would make a lot more sense. Maybe there are some kind of fumes and we're high. Who knows? But fine, yes, they are both great in the sack, whether it is just me and Jack or me and Daniel, but everything works the best when it is Jack _and_ Daniel. We all have been through so much and we love each other so deeply it is almost a mystical experience when we are together.” 

“Poetic, Sam,” replies Rodney. “Very pretty.” 

Jennifer frowns. “Rodney!” 

“I was serious. She loves them. It was a beautiful sentiment. When you are in love with your lover, it is so much better. Orgasm are always good but add emotions into the mix and its exponential.” 

“Katie?” queries Keller. 

Sam scrunches up her nose, knowing the answer without Rodney's head shake. “No. I cared about Katie and I almost asked her to marry me, bought the ring and everything, which was heavily influenced by Jeannie's thoughts on the matter that I couldn't do better, but I didn't go through with it because I just didn't feel it. Not the real thing. She is sweet and kind and I would make her life hell within a month. Sex was good with her. I enjoyed it and I know she did as well but it just didn't – yeah, no.” 

Jennifer sighs, “I don't think I've ever felt that way. I mean, I'm no virgin, I've even been with people at the SGC but I don't think I've ever really loved someone that deeply like you're both talking about.” 

Rodney slides a little closer, “Do tell. Whose been sleeping in the good doctor's bed?” 

Jennifer laughs a little. “Rodney!” 

Sam smirks at her. “Fair is fair, Jennifer and you more than opened that door, you slammed it into the opposite wall with dynamite.” 

Jennifer sighs. “Tit for tat, I suppose. Okay, well, I had a relationship with Cameron Mitchell. We went out for several months while I was training at the Mountain. He's really sweet and has the whole “good old boy” charm thing going on. And he's very athletic in bed. I mean, we worked muscles I'd never used before. And he's not vanilla, either. I mean, you'd think, with his “aw shucks, ma'am” demeanor that he wouldn't be very kinky, maybe a little rough sex, light bondage, but whoa. He went so far beyond any of that. I think we didn’t work out because I really am not cut out for a 24/7 lifestyle of BDSM which is what he wanted. I just couldn't keep up the pace and stay in that head space. I'm not adverse to playing a domme sometimes in the bedroom but not full time. I like not being in charge sometimes, too. But Cam, he just wants to let it all go and let someone else make the decisions. I think he really hates being an officer, even though he's really good at it.” 

“Huh, Mitchell's a sub? Don't think I would have guessed that one,” remarks Rodney. 

“Rodney, don't act like -” Jennifer begins. 

Rodney huffs out a breath. “Would you kindly stop thinking I am being a complete asshole! You keep expecting my remarks to be – I don't know exactly but you automatically keep hearing meanness that isn't there. I'm not a completely horrible person Keller. God, you're so young! You can't get it. I'm not being sarcastic or judging. I meant what I said. I would not have pegged Cameron Mitchell as a sub. I never got that vibe off of him but I understand where it comes from. Lots of men in his situation like to let loose that way, though rarely as a full time feeling. So, stop judging me, Keller. _I'm_ not judging you _or_ him. I'm just talking.” 

Sam interjected, “Rodney's right, Jennifer. You have to stop automatically reacting defensively whenever he says something. You keep scolding him like he's a child or in need of correction. He's a fully grown man and he doesn't need a mother or – I don't know – a teacher. I'm sure Rodney has more experience than you. He's right there, too. You _are_ very young.” 

“I'm not _that_ young. I'm not a kid, either.” 

“Young in experiences, in social and sexual knowledge, Jennifer, yes you are,” replied Rodney. “I know you're not a virgin and evidently lived something of an alternative lifestyle with Mitchell for several months, but you're still – it's all about finding Mr Right for you. Which I am sure will happen someday. But there is nothing wrong with looking for Mr – or Miss – Right Now. Sex is fun and can be a great stress reliever without having to date. Yes, Sam and I were talking about how when the emotions are there it is even better but there is nothing wrong, inherently, with casual sex or friends with benefits. As long as it is safe, sane, and consensual, it is no one's business. Which, granted, seems to be something the American government can't understand, but still, the premise holds true.” 

Sam nods. “I've been in several serious relationships, was even engaged briefly twice. Once to a very controlling man who turned out to be insane and tried to be a god and once to a very nice, though again sometimes controlling cop. Looking back, the cop - Pete - was not good for me. I should have seen it sooner and saved us both a lot of heartbreak. He stalked me at the beginning of our relationship and the only reason I was able to get him clearance to know about the Stargate was because he stumbled across things he shouldn't when he was suspicious of my cover story. At the time, I was all torn up about Jack and Daniel and thought I would never get together with either of them, let alone both – at least not long term. I thought I should move on and let them move on and stop tormenting each other over the past. The three of us are really screwed up. We've been seeing each other on and off, together and separately, for years and years. Just before I got assigned to Atlantis, we finally sat down and decided this was real. We were all really in love with one another and we were going to work hard to make it work for good this time. Jack is going to retire soon and we're going to figure out the logistics.” 

Rodney smiled. “About time. Daniel and Jack have been pining over you _and_ each other for a very long time. And they are both very good. So lucky girl.” 

Jennifer stares at him. “What? You're – you did not just imply – that you slept with General O'Neill? With Dr Jackson?” 

Rodney rolls his eyes. “I wouldn't have said anything is this wasn't Genii Vegas, but you are not helping your case that you're not young, you know. I am an equal opportunity partner. I don't openly advertise it for various reasons, including idiotic American military rules, but I am bisexual. I actually prefer men a lot of the time. Women are great and I love breasts, but I love the strength of a man's body. And orgasms are awesome. So, I don't discriminate. I eat pussy and I suck cock with equal fervor and facility.” 

Sam huffs a laugh. “Rodney!” 

“Seriously, you ladies don't know what you're missing! I'm a great lover.” 

“Not happening, Rodney,” says Sam. “Anyway, I went off on a tangent there. My point I was trying to get to was that not only have I had serious relationships, I've also had just casual sex. Granted, sometimes it was because some aliens drugged us or forced us. The first time I was with Jack and Daniel both was actually fairly early in my SG-1 days. We were on a planet and got captured by the natives who didn't trust Teal'c and we had to have sex, the three of us, some kind of blessing from their nature spirits, to get them to not sacrifice us all. I had already slept with Jack at that point when we were under a virus. That happened almost at the very beginning. I didn't sleep with Daniel again until after his wife had been killed. And the three of us didn't get together again, without aliens being involved, until after Daniel de-ascended. I also had sex with one the young officers under my command when we were all high on some kind of alien fungus. I was horny and he really had a major crush on me and came on to me and my judgment was seriously impaired by this stuff. It was great sex but the morning after was a killer. He was so embarrassed and felt like he raped me, even though I told him I was a very willing participant, but he felt like it was having sex with someone who is really drunk, there's no real ability to give consent. But I pointed out to him that he was just as impaired so did he feel like I raped him? It helped him to grasp it all. It was his first time in that kind of situation so he needed some perspective.” 

“You went off on a bit of a tangent there, again, Sam,” said Rodney. “But, yeah, aliens can be seriously voyeuristic buggers. Especially here in Pegasus. I mean, so many planets have special fertility tights and festivals and such honoring the Ancestors to try to have more kids to keep the population growing. I mean, I've had sex with Ronon five or six times because otherwise we would be killed or the trade agreement couldn't go through. Before he went all wraith enzyme man, I even had sex with Ford a few times. He _really_ hated it. Hated me for it having to happen and never could let go of it once we were back on Atlantis. But, yeah, I mean, the first time I slept with Lorne it was on an away mission to a planet during some fertility rights. Not the last time, mind you. But the first time, yeah, the ritual broke down his American military mindset and he realized Pegasus is different. The SGC is different. I've slept with him on and off since then. Just friends with benefits really.” 

Jennifer stares at the two of them, shocked, as Sam continues. “Yes. I did go off again. Anyway, I had a similar relationship with Paul Davis. Just fun times. Sex. No strings. Just mutual stress relief and orgasms.” 

Rodney nods enthusiastically. “Oh yeah! Paul Davis is a monster in the sack. He's always worth a turn.” 

“Is there anyone, other than us, at the SGC you haven't slept with, Rodney?” grinds out Jennifer. “I mean, Paul Davis, Lorne, General O'Neill, Dr Jackson, RONON!?!” 

Rodney rolls his eyes. “Again, so young. I feel like I'm channeling the Nox.” Hr grins at Sam who smiles back. “I had a friends with benefits thing with both Davis and Lorne. I slept with Jack all of twice, just because we were both there and alive and not dead. I slept with Daniel regularly while in Antarctica when Jack was frozen down there because he was feeling alone and depressed and needed human contact. I'm not ashamed of it. I was in a bad place myself having just left Siberia and everything that brought with it. And I told you, Ronon was only due to team missions off-world and alien rites and rituals. Though, you seem to be most upset about Ronon. Care to share?” 

Jennifer stared down at the rope in her hands as she knots in again. “After the quarantine error thing, when Ronon and I were stuck in the infirmary. We had a moment when we were there and afterward we got together a few times. He's very good in bed and I really like him. But, I don't know how he feels. He might think this is just “stress relief”, like you two.” 

Rodney sighs, “It's like – ugh – Sam can you please, she's so – argh!” 

Sam gives a little smile, “The point is, Jennifer, don't sweat it. Let what is happening, happen. Enjoy what you have now with Ronon and if feelings come it's all gravy. I think Ronon would make it clear if it was just sex. You said you two had a “moment” and then he came to you afterward. Was the “moment” just being horny and trapped, or to ward off claustrophobia? Or was it a romantic and sweet type of “moment” between the two of you?” 

“It was romantic and sweet. We almost kissed.” 

Rodney butts in, “Your moment was being sweet and romantic and you only _almost_ kissed and he came to you later and you think he's just out for sex? Regardless of how I tease the big guy, he's not a barbarian. He's very smart and the way he acts is learned behavior. Seven years mostly alone, running from and killing Wraith? It marked him. But he craves connection, true connection. Granted he understands sex for orgasms' sake perfectly well and doesn’t let things like that bother him, but he really wants what he had for a brief while on Sateda. The real thing. Just try, alright? He picked you and you picked him, see what develops. If it becomes love, that's great. If it doesn't get there, let go and let be. He's not trying to play you, Jennifer. If it was only sex to him, he would have made that clear up front.” 

Jennifer nods. “Thanks Rodney. I'll try to just “let it be”. I would have thought you would have tried to sabotage it. I mean, you've been hitting on me a lot lately and I figured --” 

Rodney sighs deeply and puts his head in his hands. “Again, not a complete asshole. Would I like to sleep with you? Yes. Was I competing with Ronon over you? Yes. Will I try to sabotage your relationship after you've made your choice? No. Frankly, I wasn't looking for a relationship. At least not a serious and deep one. I'm a little wary of that since Katie. At least with women.” 

“Meaning you were open to a serious relationship with a man?” asked Jennifer. 

“Yes, once. We were very serious and in love but we broke it off before we came here to Atlantis. He just didn't want to have that hanging on him while we were here, not knowing what we would be facing or that he might lose me. I didn't want to – I told him it would still hurt just as bad if something happened – but when he made his final choice, I respected him enough to let it go. But, I was right. It hurt just as much to lose him even though we weren't together when it happened. I still mourn him deeply, you know.” 

The women look at him in sadness, the same question running through both of their minds. _Who?_  

“Another reason to avoid the infirmary,” Rodney continues. “To not see him there, to not joke with him about his voodoo and sheep charming. It's hard.” 

Sam's eyes widen. And Jennifer's mouth drops open. “I wonder sometimes,” Rodney goes on, “I think about the fact that there wasn't really a body and I understand the physics of the size and heat of that explosion, but I wonder if in the last instant, as he –“ Rodney took a deep breath “as he died, if the Ancients helped him to ascend. He was so worthy of it. Not like me. Not like most of us. But Carson, yeah, Carson was worthy. And I could swear I've see him. Just moments, you know. I hate mystical crap but – yeah. Anyway, so yes, I was in a long term relationship with Carson until we came here and then we were just good friends with great memories of before. So, I figure maybe I'm better in a long term serious relationship if it's with a guy. Or, you know, maybe it was just Carson.” 

Neither of the women knew what to say and for a few minutes there was an awkward silence while Rodney gathered hold of himself and his emotions, remembering his former lover and very good friend Carson Beckett. Finally, Rodney got fed up with their respectful distance and said, “Okay, sorry for being a downer. We are not going to turn into maudlin wannabe drunks. We're the happy, over-sharing wannabe drunks, right?” 

“Right,” mumbles Jennifer. 

“Okay, then,” says Sam. “You said that you were looking for a serious relationship with a man, maybe. You've been clear that it isn't Ronon, Lorne, Davis, Daniel, or Jack. I can't imagine you in a relationship with Radek and definitely not Kavanaugh. It is a man, so Amelia Banks, Lindsey Novak, and Teyla are all out.” 

“Okay, yes, I've been clear on Ronon, Lorne, Paul, Daniel and Jack. Just light, casual sex, none of which has happened in the past eight or so months. Radek and I have done no more than hand jobs during overly stressful situations where we've been up for more than 60 hours straight and need relief of some sort but can't take the time to sleep. It's a great method of quick adrenaline release and the hormones that are released through the body allow relaxation even if you can't sleep after.” 

The women stare at him. 

“As for Kavanaugh, we already talked about how hot and awesome hate sex can be and I have to admit, it was. Just the once, during the first year we were out here but whoa, it was a very athletic and hot session. We both came away covered in scratches and bite marks and while painful, the orgasms were much welcomed by both of us. Three of the best hours I spent during out first few months out here.” 

“You did actually have hate sex with Kavanaugh? I thought that was just, you know, like fantasy,” Jennifer said, shocked. 

“Yes, I did. I wasn't planning on it but we were alone, it was late, I was screaming at him, he was screaming at me, and the next thing I knew we were ripping each others' clothes off. It wasn't the first time I had hate sex or grudge sex. And it wasn't the last, though as I said, it was the only time with him. I had hate/grudge sex a lot in grad school. And after, before I started working full time with the SGC. I guess the first time I slept with O'Neill could be classed as grudge sex. Not hate sex, but we definitely didn't like each other much. And it was hot. The second time was more, we're alive sex. I've never slept with Amelia Banks and didn't get far with Novak. Like I said, she was hiccuping like mad and while she wanted to, she was supposed to be on duty and was too nervous to go far. Though it was her idea in the first place. And I agreed, because like I said, orgasms – always a good thing.” 

“Well, okay, then. You're a bit of a slut, aren't you, McKay?” asked Sam with a smile. 

“If you want to term it that. I like sex.” 

“Fine by me, as long as it doesn't adversely impact the mission.” 

“Good to know.” 

“So then,” said Jennifer. “Who is it you're thinking seriously about?” 

“Well, personally I can't believe neither if you even suggested it. It's a bit of a depressing thing actually. I mean, I know I'm out of his league but we've been together off and on for years. I know people wonder about it. I've heard speculation from some of my scientists and some of the grunts.” 

Sam's mouth drops open. “You're talking about Sheppard? You and John Sheppard?” 

“Yes, thank you for your support. My sister is the same way. 'You're no John Sheppard'. Granted she was talking about how I couldn't do better than Katie, not that I couldn't be with John, but still, I really am in a lot better shape than when we first left Earth. And he's my best friend and has been since really early in the mission, with only one big fight after Doranda. So, I mean, is it really that shocking. I mean, yeah, we've been discreet and Atlantis loves him and helps hide things but I mean, I _have_ heard talk and even wagers from the military low level grunts and my low level minions.” 

“No,” said Jennifer. “I see it. I'm kicking myself for not having seen it before. It explains a lot about his reaction to me though. Sometimes he just seems to hate me. It's because you've been chasing me, isn't it?” 

“Well, like I said, we've been together for years, on and off, and he's been with other people, and I've been with other people but lately, yeah, he's really been weird. He's been acting almost jealous. It kinda makes me hopeful, you know? I mean, it it is just bumping boots, then why would he care if I started having sex with you? Friends with benefits don't get jealous. And, well, I know that – well, I think, I'm pretty sure that I love him or close. It's not the same as it was with Carson, he's too different from Carson for that but I'm always jealous of his hook ups and frankly always have been. I mean, you two weren't here but all the way back to Chaya. I don't think I was in love with him then, though we had hooked up by then but I was on my way, I think. But he didn't have a problem with me and Katie, or at least, not until I showed him the ring. Looking back, he really hated that and was really shocked about the ring. Hell, I was even jealous of myself. Or, well, the alternate me – Rod. I'm pretty sure the two of them did something while he was here. I caught them coming from a deserted area at one point and Rod's hair was, well, he had sex hair. But I didn't ask. And I won't ask. I mean, I don't want him to break off what we have going and if I act too – controlling or – well, I just try to control that.” 

“I think he really cares about you, Rodney,” said Jennifer. “He really treats me like I'm a total bitch, especially if you've been talking to me recently. I think you should ask him. Just put yourself out there. You've been letting things happen and letting it be for years now. If you want things to change, to move along, you have to tell him so, especially since you've been chasing me since you split with Katie. He needs to know that its more to you than, how did you put it, “bumping boots”. He's probably just as worried about messing up your friendship and what you guys do have beyond it as you are. I know I'm not the best for relationship advice but that's what I think.” 

Sam nods. “I agree with Jennifer. Believe me, I get it. Jack and Daniel and I spent a lot of time just letting things drift along as they were and we nearly drifted totally apart which would have been a huge waste for us all. You need to take that chance. I can't believe I didn't see it either, I must have been blinded by your bumbling playboy image. You know, where you hit on me all the time? But from when I first got here and he evidently stole your idea of how to welcome me? Yeah, he's jealous. Do it, McKay. Tell him. Explain your feelings. Don't be a dense guy about it if you really want it. I can tell you, he won't change the status quo. He'll take what he can get and just hope inside for more. That's what Jack did and I'll tell you, Sheppard reminds me of Jack on a lot of levels.” 

“I don't know. I'm – well, scared, yeah. I can't lose John's friendship. Even if we never sleep together again, I can't lose that. I wouldn't be able to cope. I barely coped after Doranda and that was years ago. If he distanced himself like that again - “ 

“Take the chance, Rodney,” said Sam. “He won't shut you out even if he doesn't want things to change, which I think he does. He cares about you a lot. You are best friends. If you don't try, nothing will change and you'll be stagnant. It's the law of inertia, Rodney. It doesn't just pertain to physics. If you don't act to change the relationship, it won't change.” 

“You're still a scientist, Sam, even though you're now in administration.” 

Sam laughed. 

“I'll take a chance, when we get out of this hole, _if_ we get out and don't plunge to out gruesome deaths when another tremor hits and this thing tumbles into the chasm.” 

“Way to be positive, McKay,” sighs Keller. 

Sam snorts as she ties a final knot in the rope. 


	2. Epilogue - Back on Atlantis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on Atlantis, what does Rodney do?

 Epilogue

 

_Well, we made it out of the Genii mine and I'm feeling fine. That medicine is really working. And I saw Keller eating and laughing with Ronon in the cafeteria. I think that might actually work out if she works on growing up a bit. And if only the Genii mine wasn't Vegas, I could clean up, I nailed the pool. Sam's with both of them and they're a trio. Yeah, called that one years ago. I really need to try to get in better shape. Not running, but maybe weights or something once my hands heal, get some upper body strength going on. John might like that._

The doorbell chimed and Rodney called out, “Come in.”

John walks in and sees Rodney lounging on the bed, hands wrapped in gauze, back against the wall behind the bed. “How ya doing, buddy? I heard you were a real hero today, huh?”

“Yeah, I didn't let Keller fall to her death and I helped get Sam out with her broken leg, too. And then I had to swing myself out over the chasm to the mineshaft. Man, that was hard. Oh, and you missed it. There was pressurized gas in the room we were stuck in, flowing through some pipes, so since we couldn't get the grappling hook to work, I figured we could try tying the rope to a pipe and have that hang down with the pipe across the hole in the ceiling, right. Well, none of us could toss a javelin so I used the pressurized gas to build a cannon to shoot it up. And it worked. I mean, of course it worked, I am me and building a crude cannon was nothing compared to my sixth grade project.”

“Right, the working nuclear bomb without the radioactive material.”

“Exactly! So, I used this gas and made the cannon and it shot the javelin right up through the hole with the rope and it would have worked to get us out too, better than Keller's idea which broke Sam's leg, but the ground was so just kind of a dirt covering with some grass that wasn't really rooted well and when we pulled the javelin to get it to hang across the hole, well, too much dirt came with it and it was too heavy for the stupid Genii mining room, and how stupid are the Genii, building this entire complex over a seismically unstable area on stilts! I mean, I knew the Genii were idiots, with not even shielding their population from radiation from their crude atomic bombs but I mean, really, let's build a mining complex underground that is on rickety stilts and keep mining and make the area already prone to earthquakes even more unstable when we take the elements we're interested in. Stupid Genii! Idiots! Just leave stuff around for people to fall into, I nearly died you know and when the dirt was too heavy the room we were in shifted and the stilts collapsed a bit and it was angled and the hole in the ceiling didn't line up anymore with the hole in the ground we fell through so we had to go out the door.”

John smiles at Rodney's babbling. “Wish I was there buddy. Man, a cannon, so cool. And you got the trajectories right, too. Perfect! How did Carter break her leg? You said it was Keller's idea?”

Rodney nodded and shifted over so John could perch on the end of the bed. “Yeah. She came up with an idea based on a drinking game that you challenge people who are drunk to solve in bars and when they can't, you win beer. You had to like put the boxes on angle and the boards across the roof bars and then the boxes on them but they broke and Sam fell and broke her leg.”

“Wow, an idea based on a drinking game? What's her IQ again? Did she drink it down to single digits?”

Rodney cocked his head to the side. “Huh, she's right. You  _really_ don't like her. You hate her, don't you? She said you've been treating her like she was a bitch. You have, haven't you?”

John hunched his shoulders. “I don't know what you're talking about. Or her. I don't treat her like she's a bitch. She's just not as smart as she thinks, you know? I mean, like her idea in the mine there. She didn't think it through.”

“It could have worked if the boxes were sturdier, I think. But regardless of that, you don't like her. Though granted, she can be a bitch. She really got on my nerves when we were stuck down there. She kept treating me like a child who needed correction when I would say something the least bit controversial.” He looked at John from under his lashes to find John staring at his hands with his jaw clenched. Rodney smiled a little. “I guess Ronon will have to work on that with her.”

John's head came up and he looked at Rodney. “Ronon?”

Rodney nodded. “They're together. I saw them in the cafeteria when I went to get a snack.”

“Maybe they were just talking Rodney,” John put his hand on Rodney's lower leg.

“Nope, they're together. I've backed off, given up, left the field, whatever. The three of us talked a lot about all kinds of stuff while we were down there. You wouldn't think it would take that long to knot a rope but it does. And it saved out lives, so bonus points! Though before Sam found the rope I thought I was going to have to get us all to strip and tie our clothes together. Keller actually took off her jacket and started to take off her top when Sam found the rope.”

“Well, good,” John smiled, “I mean, a rope was a better choice. I mean it saved your life later, right? A makeshift rope of clothes might not have held up to the handling and you would have been trapped.”

Rodney grins in delight at John's jealous response. “Yep. And I got to safety just in time, too. The rope frayed through from my swinging and I fell into the mineshaft leading out. And then the entire room fell into the chasm. Nearly took my leg off.”

“Well, I'm glad you're okay, buddy. A few bumps and bruises and shredded hands are better than the alternative. And I'm sorry Keller chose Ronon. I'm sure that upset you.” He rubbed his hand up and down Rodney's calf in sympathy.

Rodney grinned larger. And took a chance, “No, you're not. You're glad she chose Ronon. You hate her since I was making an ass of myself chasing her, competing with Ronon over her. You know it was more about the chase and beating him for once than it was about wanting Keller, right? I mean, yeah, she's hot and has a sweet body and the blonde smart chick thing has always been a turn on for me but you're hotter and smarter and god, your body and the hair and you know it, too, with the slouching and the leaning and the pouting and the puppy dog eyes. And the math, god you know you get me hard doing the math, the first time you proved you were more than just a pretty grunt with a light switch gene, that first day when you knew how many combinations there were, I got hard right there in the control room. And all we've been through and it's not like you're bad in bed. God knows it's the opposite and you know that I love having sex with you and that we're really compatible there and neither of us is vanilla and we explore things with each other and it isn't just stress relief even if  _maybe_ it started that way, at least that's what I've always thought it was for you but it never has really been just that for me, I mean, it just hasn't and I've tried to be what you wanted and not be all jealous and possessive because I really am those things and I know I haven't always succeeded in that and I'm always worried you'll get fed up with me and get someone better and I mean, I've never had a problem getting sex, you know that, relationships, yeah those can be hell for me, but sex, you know I've had sex with plenty of people and most of the time its only an occasional thing, since Carson dumped me, just one offs or basic stress relief of being here in this galaxy under constant threat from Wraith and Replicators and Michael and Ancient devices they left behind that can kill you in any number of ways but I don't hang out with them, I don't watch movies or race cars or just hang out with them. I mean, yeah sure I sometimes hang out with Ronon and Teyla, though I've never slept with Teyla but you're there too and its a team thing. They're my team. But you're you, you're my John and I know I'm no John Sheppard but -”

John puts his hand over Rodney's mouth, stopping the flow of words, his eyes shining with happiness and a grin stretched across his face. “I don't know what you mean by you're no John Sheppard, you're Rodney McKay, I wouldn't want you to be John Sheppard. I like my snarky, sarcastic, loud, mouthy, sexy, scientist. Matter of fact - “ John took a deep breath, “I love my Rodney McKay. I wouldn't want you to be different. I know you can be a raging asshole, but you're my raging asshole. Right?”

Rodney smiled. “Right. I love you, too, John.”

John nodded as he leaned over towards Rodney's face. “I was pretty sure that's what you were trying to say. I'm glad I was right. So, no more other people. No more stress relief. Just us?”

Rodney nodded as he leaned forward, “Just us.”

Their lips met and their arms wrapped around one another as John started to unbutton Rodney's shirt and Rodney reached for John's only to hiss in pain as his bandaged hands pulled.

John grabbed his wrists and held them away from their bodies. “That's not going to work because you won't remember not to use your hands. Let's do this old school. You love to talk, you used to get me so worked up with just the words, remember? Do that, tell me a story and I'll do the physical part.”

Rodney smiled, “That I can do.” They got off of the bed and got undressed careful of Rodney's injuries and then returned to the bed where John sat with one hand on Rodney and one on himself, positioned so Rodney had a good view of the activities.

Rodney began to speak as John began to move his hands, “A team comes back from off-world and we're in the control room watching them come through. They've been exposed to a pathogen that is acting as a sexual stimulant and its airborne. Before Atlantis can realize a problem, everyone in the gate room area is exposed. Sam, Keller, Ronon, you, me, Chuck, Amelia Banks, Lorne's team who was the one who just got back and that all female team who were getting ready to go out. We're all exposed and the only thing we can think about is sex, sex with anyone, sex with everyone. People just start grabbing each other and pulling clothes off. It's turning into a free for all orgy right there in the gate room.”

Rodney gasps as John speeds up his ministrations. “You love this don't you? Satisfying voyeuristic and exhibitionist tendencies both at once.”

“You know my kinks, Rodney. Don't stop the story. Who is fucking who?”

“Well...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and enjoying my work! Thanks again to Keira Marcos and the Rough Trade crew!


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